Sophia..

Years ago... i lived in goa.. the land of life... with people full of life around with their own culturestraditions and celebrations... diwali, carnival, shigmo, narkasur, wat not..!!! Life meant celebration there... love that place... Long drives on those endless roads with coconut trees on your sides, fighting against the waves at beaches, the tender coconuts, n endless comments on foreigners with friends are some of the innumerable things I miss about that place... I miss one more person too... Sophia...

There i was 16 years old, all busy with my 12^th standard classes, coaching, CET studies, labs, all those stupid things. But far away from that competitive world, Sophia lived to earn her bread. May be she was of my age, or maybe not... I guess she was 14 or 15 years old girl. I never asked her, her age. She came everyday to my home to do her work. She cleaned my house every day. Washed my clothes. Ironed my uniform for me, so that I saved my time there and concentrated on my studies. She was one person who spent some time in my room after me. I never cared for her. But always I smiled to her whenever she came to my room, n then sank into books. And she carried on with her work. They gave us hell lot of assignments; home works etc so that we didn’t live our lives. But somewhere the strings attached. She would somehow know if my mood was bad, or if I was unwell. Her warm smile always stopped me from my home works, though for a while, whenever she entered my room.

Well... having had her for months now, she and her smile were somehow part of my life. She was living a tough life. She worked at us and our neighbour’s house for whole day, every day. But still she was happy somehow. At least happier than I was. And somewhere I knew I wanted her to be happy. I gave her my old clothes, my old clips, rubber bands, shoes, my old watch etc. she was happy with them while I was not happy with latest of the things I had.

Slowly the smiles turned into “hi hello and how are you”s... I shared my chocolate with her one day. Next I asked her about her family. She lived with her mom and an elder brother. Her mom too worked at houses and brother worked at construction sites. She told me she had studied till fourth standard.

I was worried about finishing my biology journal. I was just not able to draw the frog as in that big text book. I was horrified by imagining how my teacher’s face would be next day. Biology was not my cup of tea. She helped me with the frog that day. And she had got her chocolates for it. Days passed. I started telling her things that happened in my classes. I told her how bad my studies were going. Don’t know how much of it she understood, but she patiently listened to me every single time.

She told me “tai... Maybe you should have concentrated little more while doing it”, when I told her I hadn’t got my output in chemistry lab. “Tai” referred to sister in Marathi. She neither knew what chemistry was nor she knew what output meant, but she knew I hadn’t concentrated enough, because if I had, I would have got it with no effort. She trusted me and my abilities. And understood my feelings even without me telling them. I liked her. She was a friend, but unacknowledged.

But she was not happy that day. She was cleaning my computer, but she wasn’t just there. I was solving some problems Mr. Calculus created before he died.

“Something is wrong? Are u not well?” i asked her.

“No tai... I am fine... Just a lil backache. . I’ll be fine...”

“Yeah.. u work in two houses girl.. Shall I give some ointments?” I asked her.

“No tai, i have applied, i will be fine in no time...”

“hmm.. its okay.. leave that.. you can clean tomorrow” i said and returned to my calculus. It was same story next day. She was sad. And that continued for coming days. And mom told me one day that she was getting married.

I was hurt. I told her everything about me and my studies, but she had not considered me eligible to share such big news. I was shocked to see they had decided to marry such a young girl. And next day when I bust out at her she opened up all her worries.

They had decided to marry her to her cousin. Some 13 years elder to her. He was a rude guy she told me. And when she denied marrying him they thrashed her badly. There was no one to listen to her. She showed me the marks of her mother’s beatings.

They had decided her marriage the coming month. That meant she wouldn’t come for work after that to my house. The boy lived in Mumbai. This was no good news for me.

Days passed. She was sad. I was missing that happy old Sophia. But there was nothing I could do. It was her birthday that day. I wanted to make her first and last birthday at my home little special for her. I had brought her gifts. Not big ones, whatever I could get out of my pocket money. But she never turned up that day.

The boy, her cousin, had come to stay with them till marriage. And she had had the worst birthday of her life. He had tried to touch her when no one was around without her permission and when she denied he had beaten her up badly. He was more powerful than her to beat her, to do anything he wanted, and she had no one on her side, not even her mom. When I heard all this from her I had no words to make her feel better.

Her mom had found no wrongs in him beating her, coz he was getting married to her.

“Tai... I was asked to...” She broke out... “to... remove my top... n.. n..when i denied he slapped me. And.. and...”

She broke out again... i tried to console her. But I was horrified too.

That was the last day she came to my home for work. She never turned up after that. I heard she got married few days later.

My exams were over finally... I was waiting for my admissions. I was watching TV in the hall, and the bell rang. To my surprise it was Sophia... not the old happy Sophia who came to my house and cheered me up for my studies, but grownup women carrying a 6 months old foetus in her womb.

I took her to my room.

“How r u Sophia?”

“I am fine tai” she tried to smile.

“He treats u well right?”

She gave a smile. But I know that was not the smile she had few months back when she came to clean my room.

I wanted the answer though I could do nothing about it “He doesn’t beat u right?”

“Hmm... sometimes... but that is ok... I am going fine.” Her face drooped again. “I miss all this Tai. I miss u too.”

I found no words to reply to her. I had missed her too. I wanted to tell her she was my friend. But I didn’t. Nothing came out of me. I just remembered what had happened to Sophia on her birthday. What she had told me. He had stripped her naked without her permission. A young girl of 14 years old.

He was getting married to her. But couldn’t have he made her comfortable with him. Couldn’t have he told her he loved her. He just wanted one thing form her. No matter what were her feelings. They were just not important. And since nature had made him physically stronger than her, he would do whatever he wanted easily.

No one cared for Sophia’s feelings... I don’t know how many men are out there who treat women badly. It’s not so common in the society I live in. Woman has her respect today. She is not after men anymore in the world I live in. N her feelings are not considered so light anymore to be ignored.

But far away from my world, out there, I don’t know how many Sophias are there who do not even exist unless on bed. I am not trying to be women rights social activist, nor trying to raise a call about people like her... I just remembered Sophia suddenly, sitting alone in the room today, donno why.. i don’t know where she is now.. But just hoping she is good and healthy. Let me hope u r happy...

Why was life so tough for her? we don't know how blessed we are....

My latest crush!!!!!!

Childhood is something that is never going to return. Er.. don’t worry.. thats not the biggest observation or discovery of the century.. all know this fact.. i just didn’t get anything else to start my article, so used that sentence.. Anyway.. Everyone of us at least once in a while wish badly if we were still kids, not grownups, not caught amidst giants called competitions, run for life, comparisons, workload, weekend, etc.. Suit yourself with whatever u want...

Though i am doing nothing useful that would stress me out, i feel twice a day that i should have been a kid, especially when mom asks me to go n get something from a shop nearby, or shouts at me to get up early in the morning...

I was not able to reach the alarm to stop it. It was not stopping. I wanted it to stop. I threw whatever i could catch first from shelf nearby to the wall, fortunately it was my mobile charger, n nothing happened to it. but it went n got settled in the top most rack of the shelf on the wall. I had to remove it now. In my attempt to get it back from the shelf, wow, i ran into a box i had ignored all the while. my mood cheered up in no time. The box had all my childhood stuffs in it- my toys, all broken n in bad shape, my old guitar i had bought in some mela, which got broken the min it reached home, my old trophies, shields, medals, wow.. i relived those moments for a while. Just imagine u getting your things back, it was like almost getting childhood back. something caught my attention.

There they were my favourite books- tinkles, the ones i never missed to read, i had read every single edition released every month, my other amar chitra katha books, all story books dad brought me when i was kid. i forgot the world n sank back into them without bothering to brush my teeth. I started reading a story of a princess. I was enjoying the story. I loved seeing and reading those pages again. N when mom came to my room I ran out of site n became a good girl my mom loves. The story half left.

The day passed with those books, i read stories after stories until i had finished a lot of them. finally i decided to see a movie for a change. I ran through my collection of about 120 movies in my laptop. N finally settled on “magadheera” a telagu movie casting son of a famous south Indian actor chiranjeevi. I had my reasons to choose the movie. I had kept it pending to watch. It was released when i had been to north india tour couple of years ago, N a newly married hydrabadi couple I met in manali had told me to watch it. The girl cutely called her newly wedded husband magadheera. In their memory i decided to watch the movie.

The movie was awesome. It was a story of a warrior n his lover who die n meet back after 400 years in their new birth, by killing the same villain, who also takes rebirth to be killed again. Anyway, Awesome is just a word. In the movie, the hero single handedly handles the army of 100 men, n kills them all... wow...the way he shot the arrow, the way he swiped his sword n the way he fought the battle... the way he saved the girl... all made me say wow again.. n magadheera was added to my big list of crushes led by hritik roshan in kaho na pyar hai ages ago...

it was 12 mid night, n after tiring day’s work i decided to sleep. Everything went dark. May be it was dream. A horrifying dream. I was flying. A big bird was carrying me. i could see the boiling sea below me. I looked at myself. No.. i was not in my jeans n t shirt.. i was a princess... I was shouting for help... my hands were tied with chains. I saw another bird flying beside the one carrying me.... there was a big monster riding it... he gave a cold laugh..

oh i was being kidnapped i realised... i mean princessnapped... he was taking me to an island.. i shouted at the monster.. i’ll never marry u.. magadheera ll come and save me....

n there he was... he came in the chariot of those four white horses n stood in front of us, aila in air..!!! i shouted happily-“ magadheera.. i knew u would come. now kill this monster the way u did in the movie...” i was telling him to hit monster by waving his hand the same way, the same move i liked in the movie... i was demonstrating to him.. n he was seriously following the move.. my magadheera would hit the monster just that way, I knew. He would kill the monster and save me. n dhuddddd... something fell on me.. did we lose the battle?? I didn’t know.. i opened my eyes to see my pillow on my head... i had waved it n thrown it in air in order to demonstrate him better... n finally that had woke me up... n i sadly realised it was just a dream... only a dream.. i was no princess.. there was no magadheera.. n thank god no monster too...

er.. i sat back n gave myself a smile... i knew from few days, my brain had little chemical locha.. but this time it had crossed all the limits.. i had mixed the story of the princess i read in the book in the morning with the movie i had seen before sleeping...

i told my brother about this new crush n dream i had about him.. n his reply was... when will u grow up yaar!!!! no likes.... he is mad.. Ignore him.. anyway

er.. this was just a story... was just trying my hand at writing some funny things.. hope u had a happy refresh.. :) keep smiling :)

Boys!!!!- non understandable creatures!!!!!

Well.. i had a funny conversation today... it was just a conversation, a normal chat with an old fren whom i consider a brother, a fren, a true guide who gives honest opinions on anything i ask.. with due respect to my opinions...

The conversation was just a normal one... but when it ended.. it just left me confused... what the hell do u boys want!!!!

Just a funny conversation accompanied by my thoughts.. bhai sorry.. personally mat lena.. its just for fun.. :P give a read :)

It all started with he reading the story i have been writing these days.. he read the two chapters of it.. n whole heartedly appreciated the way i had described the scene... n was happy that i am trying my hand at writing...

After all positives about my writing, he just had one silly doubt... he had read how i felt leaving home.. how crying i was.. how bad i felt being alone far away from home... n asked just one simple question..

“why r girls always crying, want to be listened to, consoled all the time?????.. always cryin!!!! huh”

I wasn’t happy... it was like a solid insult not just to me.. but for entire girlkind!!!!

I was super angry.. i counted down from 10 to 1... finally when i was calm i explained...

i replied to him.. "its human to feel bad, to feel alone when u r faaar away from ur dear ones.. girls just feel it more because they r more attached, lil more emotional.. even u would have felt all those emotions at your first stay away from home.. n boys pretend strong.. even they want to be consoled, want to be listened to, etc... its just that they finish in short.. n girls take lil longer.. but trust me.. they too r strong if need comes.. and at times stronger than boys.." huh

i believe he was convinced.. but still he went on...

his reply was.. "may be.. i have been frens with many girls.. i always find them complaining about silly things... crying half the time.. Over trivial matters... i wonder sometimes if they really mean it when they cry or they just want to grab our attention!! :P"

it was mocking now...

well.. i realized... the discussion was going nowhere.. i counted down from 10 to 1 again.. n asked him a basic question... :P

"do u have someone who u listen to.. :P do u have someone whom u give ur shoulders to cry??? :P"

i was just asking him if he had a girlfren....

N the reply was this... P

“no :(”

i was shocked!!! Ha ha.. that sad smiley was surprising n funny!!! Why was he sad????

That meant... He too wanted a girl who would cry.. whom he would console.. ha ha.. then why on the earth was he mocking, girls cry????

Boys!!!! Ha ha.. they tease girls so much... make fun of every lil thing they do.. may it be complaining, crying, wanting to be listened to.. watever.. they tease saying girls r weak.. n pretend they r strong.. but deep down they like it all.. n they too want a girl who would just do all the things they tease about...

Huh... boys!!!! really.. non understanble creatures,... :P i know there is no word called non understandable.. but fine.. thats wat u guys r!!!!

N they say they can’t understand girls... huh.. funny....!!!!! :P

disclaimer- yaar logo... tp kar raha hai apun... seriously nahi leneka.. :)

Soupy noodles!

This is the second time i’m updating my blog in last 48 hours. I didn’t expect to find something to pen down so soon. Anyway this is nothing much, but just a funny(horrible, u ll notice if u read) incident that happened to me today.

It was 4 pm. And I was hungry again already just after 2 and half hours of delicious lunch. Having eaten the hostel food for so long, anything mom makes these days tastes heaven! But I was hungry. I thought of making Maggie. To my surprise there was a packet of Knor soupy noodles in the kitchen. Ah! Brilliant I thought. I was eating soupy noodles first time after 8^th sem study holidays.

My mind was fast rewound to 8^th sem study holidays. Four of my friends were at my home to study. Rashmi, preeti, anup and shrivatsa. We had finally seriously decided to study, at least for 8^th semester’s sake. We had tried out studying at college reading room, which hadn’t worked out. Then we said to each other we shall study by ourselves. Which was a flop again. So it was I who called them all to my home on a Sunday. We finally started studying somehow. Had almost studied for 2 hours, and we were suddenly hungry. Mom and dad weren’t at home. They had gone to attend dad’s friend’s son’s marriage. So I thought I would prepare Maggie for us. Just then anup came out with as always different idea-lets make soupy noodles. It was first time soupy noodles had come into the market and anup was proud enough to say he had already tasted it and he said it is brilliant as though he was a great connoisseur. :P

So it was decided! Anup brought soupy noodle packets from a nearby shop. Now the question was who would prepare it! All four of my friends wanted me to sit nicely and quietly. Anup was telling he would do, it was his idea after all! But preeti wasn’t sure if he could light up the stove. Vatsa said he was ready to help. N rashmi wanted girls to do it because she thought boys can’t handle the kitchen! Finally anup and vatsa were the winners and they got the chance to do it. I got scared for a while. I remembered the day when anup had called all of us n few more friends to his home for lunch and had not prepared anything. Actually that day his parents were out of town n he had invited all friends hoping one of us would cook. I just recollected anup’s kitchen’s state after we all had finished with cooking. He was lucky that day. His mom was out of station. But in my case I knew marriage ceremony wouldn’t take long n mom would be back in couple of hours. I just prayed for mom’s kitchen and decided to sit in some corner n started shooting whatever was going on. At least I would have the proof of my innocence should something happen.

Anup and vatsa with the help of rashmi and preeti had prepared wonderful soupy noodles!!! I on the other side had finished recording their adventure. The video brings smile on my face even today. In mean time we had wasted one hour, but what we had gained was a memory for life... J

I, back in my kitchen was recollecting all those moments as I started preparing my soupy noodles. I knew I would always remember those moments whenever I prepared soupy noodles in future.

Mom had brought a new induction stove. N I had never used it before. It had an LED display which showed some numbers. I kept it at 5, thinking that it was medium. I heard the door bell ring. Mom had opened the door. I didn’t know who was at the door. I guessed it was a sales man, because I heard mom saying- no we do not need it. I had poured all noodles and masala into water. I had started stirring the mixture.

I was hearing distant voices of sales man; he was selling some books, I thought. I wanted to see. I lowered the number from 5 to 3 on stove. I thought I would be back in 2 minutes.

Sales man: hello ma’am!

Me: hello

Sales man: I am from Ramaiyya College for management studies, on an mba project. We have something that would really be helpful to u.

Me: wat is it.

He pulled out a huge encyclopaedia and gave it to me. What was he doing I didn’t know. I just took it.

I immediately realised it was kids book.

Me: oh... sorry I don’t want them... Thanks... bye. I tried to return the book...

He went on and said, wait a minute ma’am... u know what? u r getting this free.

I knew there was something coming up, but I didn’t want that book even for free. I tried to open my mouth in vain. He was not letting me speak.

He pulled out another black book now and placed it on top of big book in my arms. I noticed it was thesaurus.

Sales man: you know wat?

I asked- what?

Sales man: you are getting this also free.

Then he kept another big book on the other two. Totally I was getting three books free.

Sales man: do u know what was the first animal in space?

Me: er.. dog?

I just recollected from a kids science magazine I had read ages ago. Its name was laika... I had liked the name n that is why I had remembered it. But he didn’t realise I had answered the question. He was just going on, so u see.. All such things are in this book, as though he had all his speech by heart. I didn’t like him, now that he had started forcing. I had answered the quiz and I wasn’t appreciated either! Bad...

I said ok. But i’m sorry i don’t want.

Sales man: Do u know the antonym of sorry?

Me: sorry?

Sales man: u can find it in second book. U know. We have prepared this combination of books just for students. and you are getting it for free!!

Me: cool! m getting it for free? Thanks. I smiled because I knew I had to buy something else to get them free. I was just waiting for him to come there so that i can finally say bye to him.

Sales man: ya for that you should buy this... (He pulled out an even bigger book this time. It was some dark purple coloured book!! I didn’t like it just by its looks.) And this will cost u only 2500 rupees.

I looked at the book. It was a book on improving communication skills. He started turning out the pages. There were nice pictures of beautiful foreigners in formals. He said this will help u improve ur communication skills.

Then he suddenly asked me what was I studying? Thank god he finally remembered to ask the first question he should have asked. Engineeri... i just hadn’t completed the word yet. He was happy already. Brilliant he said. This is just the kind of books u would want to prepare for your placements in your final year.

Me: listen I don’t want these... They are nice. I have done with my engineering. Thank you.

Sales man: ohh then may be u r searching for a job. Trust me this is what u need.

Why was he assuming things...? Who told him to imagine I was trying to search for job? I was getting angry now. But he was just not ready to leave.

Me: no I’m not searching for a job. If u really want to know I was placed in two mncs but I never joined them. Please don’t waste your time. I’m sorry.

He wasn’t listening to me. But now I could see the sadness,frustration on his face as well. He was trying hard to get it sold. It was his project. I felt sorry for him. But then I had no use of those books nor did I want to spend 2500 rupees of mine on something I didn’t want. I wanted him to go. But he was just not listening. I could have shut the door, but I didn’t feel like doing that. Mom came back, and firmly told him we are not interested in buying. We are sorry.

He had got his cue, he left. I was sorry for him. It was a tough job. I started wondering if he had sold any since morning... hoped he.. damn!!! My noodles...

I rushed to kitchen. slowly peeped into the container...

It was all gone. All soup had dried up. It was some new color I had never seen before... definitely not the one which anup and vatsa had made.

I don’t know, I’m not sure if I’ll remember my final year study holidays when I next eat soupy noodles, but I’ll surely remember this guy from ramaiyya institute of management studies!

Nice story! But i still hope he made his target. Life is tough. Gear up!

My best friend’s name is...!?

I was home after 7 long months.

Hydrabad was a nightmare. No! its not the city but the life as a GATE aspirant there. The hostellife was something i confronted for the first time. It wasn’t a happy engineering college hostel, but one where everyone was running a race. There was no time for friendship or any other relations there. Every morning race started at 4 am for bathroom, and then next one was at breakfast counter, followed by the race to catch a decent place for the whole day lectures in the class of 250 students’ n so on...

Spicy andhra meals every day, lonely hours in library, tensed nights.. All these brought tearsinto my eyes. Each time I remembered my old friends, my classroom at sdm, that comfortable atmosphere. but nothing of it was there. I remembered my home. Taking care of ourselves all alone was tougher than I had thought. But it was my own choice i had to live through it.. 7 months..

I was back home finally. To a new home in Bangalore. The feeling of being home was so nice that I felt those 7 months were never real. It was like I was never gone. I at once wanted to meet my friends. I had realised what was life without them. I never expected anything from my friends in college but I always wanted them to be there around me. It was so comfortable when they were around. I was recollecting all good times I had in college life with them, standing on the gallery with my mug of tea. I was watching kids play. They were playing a game I hadn’t known.

I tried to trace out the game.

A small girl in pink frock was made to stand in an imaginary circle, her other friends surrounded her. The girl who was in circle was to shout this with her eyes closed- “my best friend’s name is... “n then she shouted a name, “kiran”... By that time other girls ran to their capacity in different directions. The girl who was in imaginary circle was to reach one of them in three hops, eyes open.

The girl in pink frock was so small that her long jump hardly covered some 30 inches for her. She wasn’t able to reach anyone. Poor girl! she was made to do it again. All other kids clapped happily for they all had survived the game, but the disappointment on small girl’s face made even me sad for a while. kiddo feet of hers were failing her every time.

She was den for one more time... she shouted out again from her circle, “my best friend’s nameis... kiran”. It was now 5^th time she had lost, and suddenly another girl who was little older to her shouted!! Cheating cheating cheating!!! She was wearing a nice greenish dress. I suddenly felt more concentrated towards the game. What was it? Did that small girl cheat? I wanted to know. Other girls approached the girl in green skirt; one of them asked-what happened?

Girl in green skirt said as though she had spotted world’s biggest crime happening, “What is this?” She said.. “she is telling the same name again and again. This is cheating! From very first game she is telling my best friend’s name is kiran!! cheating. You have to take different name every time”.

I was caught by what I had just heard. Ha ha... what was it.?? The den was expected to change her best friends name every new game. n more to that all other girls completely agreed to what girl in green skirt had said. Yes yes was the unanimous answer!! And the girl in pink skirt now shouted “my best friend’s name is sachin!!!”

Ha ha.. They continued with their game. I suddenly realised all motto behind her telling to change best friends name was, to stop game from being repetitive. Earlier, she shouted same thing every time; every one ran to same places each time. N the game was just getting repetitive. With her best friend now being sachin, there was some change, apparently some psychological change, atleast some thing was different with every trial.

Innocent kids!! They carried on, girl in pink skirt never argued. She didn’t argue saying “but he is my best friend why am I supposed to say some other name?” the need came and she just did whatever a senior in team told her to do. May be she was scared that she wouldn’t be taken for the next game if she argued, or maybe she just didn’t realise that she was changing her “best friend” just because a girl in green skirt told her to. In her innocence she called out divya as her best friend next time.

We too do that na.. i.e. changing our best friends... don’t we? But out of innocence? I’m not sure.

People are best friends to us, or we are friends to others for not so long time, atleast not for life. People are friends until they no longer have any need of one another. Do we really see friendship of rancho raju and farhan around us? Would we bunk our exam for friend’s dad? Can we jump from principal’s office for the sake of a friend who saved your dad!? It sounds foolish to do all that, right? That is extreme! I mean giving life and all crap. But can we at least be there for a friend when in need? Or respect a friend who is no longer in a good state as much as we did in his/her good times? I don’t see these examples much around. Friendship rots in no time. And somebody new becomes our best friend again in no time. We don’t even have time to feel sorry for just ended friendship! It hurts to see this. Have come across many such examples in these 21 years of my life. And that really hurts sometimes. I still wonder what friendship is though many claim to me that they are my best friends. I will only know when bad times come. I don’t want bad times to come though, just to know who my real friends are.

But I want to tell them all.. I’ll always be there.. Without any expectations or demands.. for I have realised in these 7 months what is life without friends... whatever u people are, or wherever u ppl r.. My best friends’ names... will not be changed in trails of life... and I shall always be there^*

^*and the applied condition is- as long as u deserve it!