I have a nightmare!

I have a nightmare, that this tube light in there will detach from roof and fall on my head someday. It's just right above my head.

It’s been  3 years 6 months and five days under this tube-light. On this same chair. Neither my seat changed nor my fate. IT industry is hitting hard on each of us. But we refuse to bulge because we need what we get at end of each month. more because we are good as engineers, and what we do is easy. its a nice cozy chair. I sit on it and rotate myself at times when I have no idea on the bug that I need to fix. Then I dump my head on the chair and stare at the roof. I immediately feel like it will fall on my head, and I sit straight and avoid the site.

Every day I return home to tell myself I want something new. I come up with whole new ideas of what else I can do. But then it gradually fades away. Coz change is painful. Extra work is painful.

Projects changed over the years. People came and went; I am still under that lamp wanting something new.

Probably my experience is more than your entire age said my manger on my first day here, telling me how I can achieve greatness here if I worked hard. Everyone seemed to have advice for me here when I joined as fresher, just like I have many for freshers who join now. I was a rebel, a smart kid, good at what I did. But now corporate life has molded me to act smart at times, play low, duck when it’s a bouncer from peers and be merciless when its my turn to be one. its the hard reality i guess, in every profession. 

Saving my skin is my priority than helping people around me. Now, I don’t feel that thrust to outrace others anymore. I guess I have too quickly learnt that it’s not all worth it. I always wanted to drive, but now I hate it more than ever when I have to drive in this traffic. I learned to eat with fork and knife to suite corporate life, but I am not fond of the food i eat or the people I eat with. I don't hate them, but I feel they are all fake too stuck with their own struggle. All I do is spending time with myself and thinking about myself, what I am, who am I, trying to understand what i need. Or I am too lazy to shut my mind and work.  I wave off work convincing myself that I am doing more important thing “thinking” .

I started subscribing to all spiritual stuff. Started reading on attaining emotional balance, work-life balance, how to achieve goals. Typical quarter-life crisis isn’t it?

I seem to have everything. Good work. Good stuff. But then, nothing. That sense of achievement I had had often in my life back in college and school seems missing. Your manager makes you feel, ok.. u are good, but… aah I know that. Ignore.

That’s typically what I do when I don’t want to work. “Think of my failures” and stare at that tube light.  I really get that free-fall feeling when I stare at it. You are going to fall off that ceiling and break my head someday, aren’t you?

I need a psychiatrist.

Even that lamp is bored of seeing my head I guess. I Had nice thick hair when I joined. Hair fall has increased now. The lamp must have observed it I am sure. Thanks to all the stress. Have a couple of gray hairs too now. I am 27!

In my pursuit of how to get out of this loop, I came across this book called “who moved my cheese”. I guess you have read it, but then it’s a story worth retelling. it’s a tale of two mice and two ppl(tale, not tail). Mice have smaller brains, hence fewer emotions. People have complex brains and hence emotions are also intense.

Long story short. There was a maze and all four creatures lived in it, 2 mice and 2 people.  THEY MOVED AROUND MAZE EACH DAY AND FOUND SOME CHEESE FOR THEM TO EAT EVERYDAY. On a fine day, they found a cheese station which had so much cheese that they thought would keep them well fed for rest of their lives. There was no need to go searching for food everyday now. Hence they stopped moving in the maze and settled in the proximity of the food. Days passed. Everyone was happy, well fed and got fat. The mice realized that cheese station might get empty soon observing the quality of cheese that came out of the station, and they felt they might have to find a new station for food. They had good sense, but lesser ability to think. They kept their shoes handy and everything ready should they have to leave out for searching new store. They didn’t really think much or tried on analyzing the cause of that situation. But people lacked that capacity on sensing and smelling but had complex brains to compensate. they thought they were smart and didn’t really worry about next plans, nor noticed the change in quality of cheese. they were complacent and thought station wouldn’t get empty because it never did. Also, they were attached to the place they lived now. Resistance to change, the pain they should face to face the change was too much for them given the complexity of emotions and attachment. But when time came, it was too much to handle. Sometimes, one disadvantage of complex brain is you think more than necessary but fail in action. Mice were first one to come out of their comfort zones owing to their lesser complex emotional capacity.

Well, Inspired me, I decided to be on my feet for accommodating changes. You know me, there were more important things. I am too much lazy than I thought. I am so attached to comfort around my cheese station that I refuse to tie my shoe lace and go out to find a new one. Life is feeding me in abundance, but I don’t know till when. 

To help myself, I have subscribed to too many “self-improvement” sites; I get too cheesy one-liners from these sites every day only to make me hate myself more. Another day I read,,”only mud settles” be restless. Damn them, it spoiled my whole day.

I subscribed to more stuff. I joined music class. Next week, I went on a trek, and then I joined swimming, and then joined badminton. I Started investing in stock market. Went crazy with stocks and shares. Made money, lost money. What not. Just in search of that adrenaline.

And then back in the same chair, under that tube light as weekends got over what so ever. Can someone replace that tube-light? 

Another one-liner came today – “Greatness doesn’t come to you on its own, you got to go looking for it. Tie the shoelaces” it said. I stared up at the tube light again.  - Hate u!

would i tie my shoelaces?





P.S: Don't take the story seriously and hate yourself. whole point is, keep looking for new stuff in life. it's ok :D cheers

Ola Wali Story

Being a software engineer isn’t easy.. it gets worse when you realize you are not much liked around.. Never sit in a cab and get the driver started on “IT engineers”

Bengaluru – a typical metropolitan city, various people, lot of cultures, but local cab drivers!! A bad combination!

In general Bangaloreans accept people very easily and are very welcoming to outsiders! But it gets little uncomfortable sometimes when outsiders come and boss around and shout at the locals(Some people do that, I am not talking about you). Cab drivers easily get chances to lock horns with outsiders and hence they hate each other – understandable. No one is wrong here. EGO is an emotion created by god.

Usually cab drivers start trips and mind their businesses! They often don’t care who you are. But for a change, we got a real talkative driver today. It was fun. Dad, Mom and I were on our way to Chickpet from Marathalli. A long drive that was. He was happy as we were locals and he started conversation in Kannada.

It all started with Highly jammed Old airport road. “Bengaluru isn’t like it once was any more!!! Damn these software people coming from all over." Said our driver. 

WHAT? That hurt my ego. I asked - what happened? What did they do to you?

Driver: These people, lazy bums – always sunk in their mobiles. 100 kgs ke ho jate hain khaa – khaa ke. Fir jaake gym me daudte hain (He said that in kannada)

Me: So?

Driver: So nothing.. put a bomb under their seat and let them know.. they will search google on what to do. Bloody hell.. they won’t realize they should run.

Me: You tried putting bomb? U seem to be very sure.

My Mom & Dad were giggling all the time as I turned red with every passing second.

Driver went on - "Other day a lady made a booking. Woman was 150 kgs, She was shouting from half a km even before boarding the cab - “AC chalao bhaiiyaa.. Ac chalao bhaiya..” I said its not working.. :P you know what? I hardly take bookings on Saturdays and Sundays after 8 pm. People drink, no conscious of themselves nor of the clothes they are wearing. What would they do if I took them somewhere and did something? I feel so bad for these kids.."

He was suddenly sad.. suddenly.. and that made me curious. I said go on..

Driver: Not that I don’t like these people. These are kids in their 20’s.. They are frustrated already with lives. They earn more than they can handle. They don’t know what to do with their lives.. No family around. 

He went on to tell my Dad who was sitting in the front seat.. “Sir, don’t take me wrong but our next generation isn’t doing really well. They are weak, scared of their own lives”

He sounded very hurt and his tone was very matured. He was very observant and had lot of stories to tell. I learnt lessons in that journey, I would like to share..

Driver: "Sir, a girl made a booking at about 8 pm on a Friday night. I picked her up from ***** Tech Park. She was talking to someone on phone, apparently another girl. I heard her say she was going to her boyfriend's place. Apparently her friend on phone said – "how many do you want?" And was advising her not to do this. 

But this girl was all laughing – "life fun karne ke liye hai yaar.. chill maaro."

Sir, I have family, my sisters are of her age.. I would have broken her ribs if she was my sister. I dropped her to the location, it was not my business.

Sir, I started with a very small job, lot of uncertainties. I have done mistakes but I was always close to family. I had my family. These people wouldn’t have done all this if their family was around. They work hard, intelligent people they are, but they lose track, fail in relationships, lose faith in lives and then make wrong decisions."

I stopped him there. I said -
May be there are few people who end up taking wrong steps with their lives, but just because they drink on weekends or go partying doesn’t mean they are irresponsible people. They are people who have left homes and come here to work hard. People need to support families. They all have studied hard and faced difficulties just like you have. Just because they order food online doesn’t mean they don’t know life.

He agreed. He said - 

"Maga(Beta) I don’t mean they are irresponsible. I am just telling you things that I see as a cab driver. Two guys booked a cab that day. Both were drunk. They had different drop locations. A guy, apparently their friend informed me to drop them off at two places which I did. I don’t know if they crossed road safely and reached their houses. Should something happen to them at 2 am in the night,can you imagine what will be left for their parents to see? You kids are all that they have. I cared about these people earlier, made sure I dropped them off safely to their gates. At times I got down from the cab to escort them. Now I am afraid I have become indifferent. I see this more and more now and it scares me.

People are weak, they can't handle stress. They escape. But stress should be faced not escaped from.

Life is getting tough for girls specially. It hurts me. I have three sisters.

We are adapting American cultures. Court has agreed for Live-ins.. not that it is my business. (He sighed) People live alone.. No family here, No one to look upon them. Do we care..? All these freedoms lead to lot more things.. Stress.. Weakness.. Suicides.. We have seen it all.. People in west are resorting to family values, Yoga, sound health and strong minds. We are going away from these very things we gave them."       /*not bad, he was a cab driver*/

It did hit me. He was referring to my people. Sadly i could relate this to myself. I know i am very weak at times. I freak out too. I have these thoughts of escaping reality. Of course I control those thoughts and get back. But for sure I feel weak and start complaining easily. How healthy is my body? How strong is my mind? It has only gone bad in last few years. I can't even compare myself to how I was back there in college campus. I always had energy! Always jumping! facing life head on! Now ten minutes of traffic pisses me off so much that I feel like punching someone and break someone's nose. I was lost in thoughts in the cab.

Driver was still speaking to Dad.  "Sir, I picked a lady from airport and dropped her to her place. She didn’t have enough cash to pay me. She gave me her number and said - I will give you tomorrow. I called her up next day in the day time. She didn’t pick up. She called me back at 9 in the evening and said she got late at office and that I can collect the money from her place. I asked her if i can collect it in the morning. She said she stays alone and that she will be busy with work and asked me to collect right away. Sir, We cab drivers are already infamous in many ways. I kind of got scared. She had to pay me 600. I deleted her number and told Tirupati Balaji in my mind - Please consider that 600 Rs as my donations to you.

Sir, this staying alone, partying, all is good! But kids must not be alone. They should be with families. A caring family at home will constantly remind them their life's worth."

We were all silent as he spoke. Indeed, he had a point. We have so many problems na? we hate our jobs, our managers, traffic, food, basically everything. We have issues with everyone around. we fail to communicate. We hate people. We are too busy to understand others. Everything looks complicated. How many of us have already visited a doctor or a psychiatrist for stress management? I know many who have. I too sometimes wonder if I need one? Seriously, we earn so much, and still cry. While there are people who.. well.. 

Getting married these days looks like a project by itself. Looking alternatives for career is like an almost impossible thing. How healthy are we? Do we sleep enough?

Running in gym, managing weight, planning future, fixing bugs, driving in traffic - that’s us?

Chickpet was almost half a km now. He was almost done with his stories.

I said as I got down from the cab –all fine Sir, But you got to give them some credits!!. U make your living only because they gave you an app!! see the app on your phone? They did it. they worked hard, took all stress, fixed bugs. You should give some credits.. no?

Thoooo.. this app??? This gets stuck more than it works.. damn these IT people :/ said my driver. 

Unfortunately it got stuck just then. He had to restart device before he gave us the bill :/ what a timing. /*felt it like a punch on my face, really*/

Here comes - The Highest Civilian Honour

I see large part of our society today is rejoicing the fact that Atal Ji has been conferred with well deserved Nation’s highest civilian award. Atal Ji - One of the greatest Orator our country saw, a dedicated statesman, a true politician showcasing the unmatched wit. If we look back, we see the man has dedicated his entire life for his passion – The Nation.

Atal Ji spent major part of his life being in opposition in the parliament. He was known for his sharp comments and even Nehru welcomed them. These two, Atal ji and Nehru, never had anything in common but Nehru saw this young MP as future PM of India! While Atal Ji was in Govt, Opposition craving for issues against him never got much and they finally concluded – "Atal Ji ache hain, but galat party me hain!!" 

And today as he turns 90, I wish to thank him and remember Operation Shakti – the nuclear success of India. The Nuclear plans existed much before he became PM, but i salute him for the way he handled what followed the tests. 

In May 1998, India conducted five underground nuclear tests in Pokhran desert in Rajasthan, 24 yrs after India conducted its first nuclear test Pokhran-I in 1974. This test is called Pokhran-II. The tests were held just a month after the BJP government had been in power. Two weeks later, Pakistan responded with its own nuclear tests making it the newest declared nation with nuclear weapons.

While some nations, such as Russia and France, endorsed India's right to defensive nuclear power, others including the United States, Canada, Japan, Britain and the European Union imposed sanctions on information, resources and technology to India. In spite of the intense international criticism and the steady decline in foreign investment and trade, the nuclear tests were popular domestically. Effectively the international sanctions failed completely in swaying India's decision to weaponize its nuclear capability, something that was planned for and anticipated by the Vajpayee administration.

Almost all the bans were taken off within 5 years. Our country still survived and we did well. This speaks a ton about the man and his courage. And "Bharata Ratna" is the least we could do for this man.

I would like to quote an example of his sportsmanship.

In the parliament, they had hung a photo frame of Jawahar Lal Nehru. Vajpayee noticed that frame every time he got a chance to be in that room. But when Janata party came into power in 1977, and Atal Ji became the minister for the first time, someone had removed that frame. Where is the picture gone? he asked. People had no answers. And soon the picture with due respect was restored in the same place on Atal Ji's Instructions. Our MPs should learn a lot from him :)

Today we are giving him the highest honour, but I wish we had given him votes too. We gave this man just 5 years. Strangely people who didn't vote for him in 2004 are equally happy about him getting Bharata Ratna. I wish to think what it would have been if he had got another term? I feel its time to retrospect! We cant go back in time and undo the done, but may be it’s a lesson we can take forward for future.

What could have possibly gone wrong? Why people chose not to vote him?

I feel these are the reasons:

1) Coalition Govt- He didn’t have numbers. People saw what is in for them rather than how can they contribute to the nation and in turn they let him down.

2) Gujarat riots- India and Gujarat alone had seen worst riots before the 2002. But large part of media made sure they dedicated all their attention and showcased Modi and BJP as reason for this one. Riots were bad, but media hype was so much that we chose to let Atal Ji down. where did our common sense go?

3) RSS & team – Atal Ji is a product of RSS. The discipline he showed has its root in RSS. But it seemed liked they too supported him to a lesser extent than they did in the earlier elections. The pressure RSS had put on Atal Ji on issues like Ram Mandir were tremendous. RSS could have given him a little more space. But good to see the change now, RSS doesn't seem to interfere in Modi govt. I wish they had done the same for Atal ji.

4) Voters – Finally, all of us who didn't vote are responsible. Our sense of responsibility was badly hit by “let whatever happen” attitude. A large part of so called educated middle class didn’t vote and look what happened. We lost our 10 years to govt like the one we had. I believe it’s a very strong lesson for us. Lets not do the same to Modi. He looks promising.

Atal Ji is man of principle and even his opponents respected him. His smile, his wit, his courage, his dedication and his love for our nation gave us a new hope. He handled post nuclear test sanctions really well. Kargil victory is another feather in his cap. The beautiful highways connecting our metros are his efforts. India dreamt of being a superpower under the leadership of “Atal –  APJ” duo. 

I just take this as an opportunity and thank him for his service! #WeLoveYouAtalJi

Now that we all are "Market Ready"...

M.Tech 2^nd year? Oh that’s so perfect time to start  finding a groom for our little girl, said my aunt last year. My god, that almost made my heart skip a beat.

My dad handled it well with “let her finish her studies. Whats the hurry?”  Thanks dad.  And… few days passed…

Placed in Oracle?? My other cousins’ husband’s brother’s son is in Oracle too. When will your term get over? Where will you be posted? Hyderabad or Bangalore? Asked my aunt again. -let me get the offer letter aunty, relax.

And that auspicious day came when I finished the college finally! Official now, bakra tayyar hogaya halal hone :P

Well, I am told everyone needs a partner in life, fair enough. At some point of time we all need to face the reality of life called “marriage”. Its destined, just like harry potter was destined to meet voldemort! Er.. bad example ok ok.. coming back to point, there are so many notions about marriage. Learned say its like a laddu- khaya toh problem, na khaya toh problem. And now that we all are “market ready”, there are lot funny things happening around us, which surely we all will remember and laugh about in few years from now.. it’s a period of tension for some, while fun time for others.. and for me, craving for logic in everything that happens in life, this is the funniest ever time :P

Boy is an engineer.  Girl is a doctor. Boy is in America. Girl is very beautiful. Can you send me the boy’s pic? Can u send me the girl’s pic-one in saree and one in salvar? Duh.. must be very common with you if you belong to my age. Clearly everyone else is more interested in getting you married than you. And sometimes it pisses you off and you say-I am just out of college give me a break! And elders tell you, you are too young to tell them what they should do or not do and of course they remind you that you don’t know life yet(but you are perhaps old enough to get married).

You have more problems if your parents are on Facebook. You have to carefully like your friend’s marriage pics else wish them in private messages(I choose this). Now that all wickets are falling one by one, I mean now that my friends are getting married one after another and your parents know it, their worries are multiplying. Your classmate Supriya got married no? Her birthday was three four months after yours right? yes.. but she was born the previous year, I lie.

Little exaggerated here though, but friends, all of us are facing this in our own ways may be in different magnitudes. It is funny at times irritating at other.  Arranged marriages are bad I concluded!!!!

Here I was wishing - if only I had heeded to some kind people who dared to propose me in the past. Some old crushes passed through my mind like credits at the end of a movie(not UV or Virat though, they never proposed me). if only I had fallen in love with someone! may be I would have saved myself from all this.. Damn.. why didn’t I?? I asked my dad. yea correct, I asked my dad.

What happened to that guy who proposed to you in school?? U made him brother? Dad started teasing me. And what about that tall guy in college, you told him not to talk to you ever again right? Lol.. dad knows everything! And thanks to my recent fb post, dad even knows UV!

I am so blessed to have such a cool parents, I share almost everything with them, specially my dad. But I was literally sad.. Why arranged marriage for me?? Love marriage is better no!!!!! I was putting across my own theories about the same..

well, God has his own ways to confuse us.. My phone rang and my friend suddenly started crying her eyes out crashing my ear dumb-"I don’t wanto live."

What.. kya huwa??, I asked

"I cant live without him.. and we cant get married.." sob sob.. more sobs… and she broke out asking me what should she do?

I consoled her and told her we will think on what they should do, and convinced her that I am with her whatever be her decision and ended the call..

Not funny I know.. but er pardon me, stupidest thing it is…!!!!!!!!

But for me, Oh ya… that was a nice, much needed reminder about the love marriage!! Now, if you are in love with someone, story is little different  but trust me, no less interesting than the one I told about arranged marriages. You might be having your own drama live at your home - How can you marry someone not from our cast? What?? He earns lesser than you? She doesn’t speak our language? 

Well, again everyone else is more worried about your marriage than you. same story here too. In short band bajne wali hai, phanda tayyar hai!!! All you need to do now is say yes :P what do you do now? Where do you go?

I hear a lot from my friends about their fear of marriage, thoughts of losing their bfs/gfs, their 10 year old love story, and their concerns about how to spend life with an unknown guy/girl. majority are worried how to tell about their bfs/gfs at home. What if parents reject him/her is haunting them. and some great people are still searching for girl friends. In short we all are in that age, where “sab ki band baji huyi hai” :P what do we do now? Escpe or face?

Well, I say enjoy it. J Life has no guaranty. I know this from the day when I saw my parents meet a road accident in front of my eyes. That day haunts me even today at times. I can’t forget that moment, but that incident has strengthened my belief in god beyond limits. You never know what life has for you tomorrow, so live the most of it each day, everyday! dad tells me- its not about the money, its about the happiness.. its not about how successful you are, its about how happy that success has made you.. and I completely agree with him. stress, uncertainties, unknown scary future are all going to be with you all the time, there is no escape. So let the life take its way. be smart, be careful, be cautious, think before you act. But enjoy too. Because this time will never come again J all I want to say is (especially to the girl who called me and cried, to you my friend)–trust an unknown future to a known god, everything happens for good! J 

On this very beautiful age, let me dedicate a song to myself  /* and the ppl out there who empathize with me */

Naaa, naa na naa.. na na naaa, naa na na..

Hope u got the song! :P

Cheers :D

Sophia..

Years ago... i lived in goa.. the land of life... with people full of life around with their own culturestraditions and celebrations... diwali, carnival, shigmo, narkasur, wat not..!!! Life meant celebration there... love that place... Long drives on those endless roads with coconut trees on your sides, fighting against the waves at beaches, the tender coconuts, n endless comments on foreigners with friends are some of the innumerable things I miss about that place... I miss one more person too... Sophia...

There i was 16 years old, all busy with my 12^th standard classes, coaching, CET studies, labs, all those stupid things. But far away from that competitive world, Sophia lived to earn her bread. May be she was of my age, or maybe not... I guess she was 14 or 15 years old girl. I never asked her, her age. She came everyday to my home to do her work. She cleaned my house every day. Washed my clothes. Ironed my uniform for me, so that I saved my time there and concentrated on my studies. She was one person who spent some time in my room after me. I never cared for her. But always I smiled to her whenever she came to my room, n then sank into books. And she carried on with her work. They gave us hell lot of assignments; home works etc so that we didn’t live our lives. But somewhere the strings attached. She would somehow know if my mood was bad, or if I was unwell. Her warm smile always stopped me from my home works, though for a while, whenever she entered my room.

Well... having had her for months now, she and her smile were somehow part of my life. She was living a tough life. She worked at us and our neighbour’s house for whole day, every day. But still she was happy somehow. At least happier than I was. And somewhere I knew I wanted her to be happy. I gave her my old clothes, my old clips, rubber bands, shoes, my old watch etc. she was happy with them while I was not happy with latest of the things I had.

Slowly the smiles turned into “hi hello and how are you”s... I shared my chocolate with her one day. Next I asked her about her family. She lived with her mom and an elder brother. Her mom too worked at houses and brother worked at construction sites. She told me she had studied till fourth standard.

I was worried about finishing my biology journal. I was just not able to draw the frog as in that big text book. I was horrified by imagining how my teacher’s face would be next day. Biology was not my cup of tea. She helped me with the frog that day. And she had got her chocolates for it. Days passed. I started telling her things that happened in my classes. I told her how bad my studies were going. Don’t know how much of it she understood, but she patiently listened to me every single time.

She told me “tai... Maybe you should have concentrated little more while doing it”, when I told her I hadn’t got my output in chemistry lab. “Tai” referred to sister in Marathi. She neither knew what chemistry was nor she knew what output meant, but she knew I hadn’t concentrated enough, because if I had, I would have got it with no effort. She trusted me and my abilities. And understood my feelings even without me telling them. I liked her. She was a friend, but unacknowledged.

But she was not happy that day. She was cleaning my computer, but she wasn’t just there. I was solving some problems Mr. Calculus created before he died.

“Something is wrong? Are u not well?” i asked her.

“No tai... I am fine... Just a lil backache. . I’ll be fine...”

“Yeah.. u work in two houses girl.. Shall I give some ointments?” I asked her.

“No tai, i have applied, i will be fine in no time...”

“hmm.. its okay.. leave that.. you can clean tomorrow” i said and returned to my calculus. It was same story next day. She was sad. And that continued for coming days. And mom told me one day that she was getting married.

I was hurt. I told her everything about me and my studies, but she had not considered me eligible to share such big news. I was shocked to see they had decided to marry such a young girl. And next day when I bust out at her she opened up all her worries.

They had decided to marry her to her cousin. Some 13 years elder to her. He was a rude guy she told me. And when she denied marrying him they thrashed her badly. There was no one to listen to her. She showed me the marks of her mother’s beatings.

They had decided her marriage the coming month. That meant she wouldn’t come for work after that to my house. The boy lived in Mumbai. This was no good news for me.

Days passed. She was sad. I was missing that happy old Sophia. But there was nothing I could do. It was her birthday that day. I wanted to make her first and last birthday at my home little special for her. I had brought her gifts. Not big ones, whatever I could get out of my pocket money. But she never turned up that day.

The boy, her cousin, had come to stay with them till marriage. And she had had the worst birthday of her life. He had tried to touch her when no one was around without her permission and when she denied he had beaten her up badly. He was more powerful than her to beat her, to do anything he wanted, and she had no one on her side, not even her mom. When I heard all this from her I had no words to make her feel better.

Her mom had found no wrongs in him beating her, coz he was getting married to her.

“Tai... I was asked to...” She broke out... “to... remove my top... n.. n..when i denied he slapped me. And.. and...”

She broke out again... i tried to console her. But I was horrified too.

That was the last day she came to my home for work. She never turned up after that. I heard she got married few days later.

My exams were over finally... I was waiting for my admissions. I was watching TV in the hall, and the bell rang. To my surprise it was Sophia... not the old happy Sophia who came to my house and cheered me up for my studies, but grownup women carrying a 6 months old foetus in her womb.

I took her to my room.

“How r u Sophia?”

“I am fine tai” she tried to smile.

“He treats u well right?”

She gave a smile. But I know that was not the smile she had few months back when she came to clean my room.

I wanted the answer though I could do nothing about it “He doesn’t beat u right?”

“Hmm... sometimes... but that is ok... I am going fine.” Her face drooped again. “I miss all this Tai. I miss u too.”

I found no words to reply to her. I had missed her too. I wanted to tell her she was my friend. But I didn’t. Nothing came out of me. I just remembered what had happened to Sophia on her birthday. What she had told me. He had stripped her naked without her permission. A young girl of 14 years old.

He was getting married to her. But couldn’t have he made her comfortable with him. Couldn’t have he told her he loved her. He just wanted one thing form her. No matter what were her feelings. They were just not important. And since nature had made him physically stronger than her, he would do whatever he wanted easily.

No one cared for Sophia’s feelings... I don’t know how many men are out there who treat women badly. It’s not so common in the society I live in. Woman has her respect today. She is not after men anymore in the world I live in. N her feelings are not considered so light anymore to be ignored.

But far away from my world, out there, I don’t know how many Sophias are there who do not even exist unless on bed. I am not trying to be women rights social activist, nor trying to raise a call about people like her... I just remembered Sophia suddenly, sitting alone in the room today, donno why.. i don’t know where she is now.. But just hoping she is good and healthy. Let me hope u r happy...

Why was life so tough for her? we don't know how blessed we are....

My latest crush!!!!!!

Childhood is something that is never going to return. Er.. don’t worry.. thats not the biggest observation or discovery of the century.. all know this fact.. i just didn’t get anything else to start my article, so used that sentence.. Anyway.. Everyone of us at least once in a while wish badly if we were still kids, not grownups, not caught amidst giants called competitions, run for life, comparisons, workload, weekend, etc.. Suit yourself with whatever u want...

Though i am doing nothing useful that would stress me out, i feel twice a day that i should have been a kid, especially when mom asks me to go n get something from a shop nearby, or shouts at me to get up early in the morning...

I was not able to reach the alarm to stop it. It was not stopping. I wanted it to stop. I threw whatever i could catch first from shelf nearby to the wall, fortunately it was my mobile charger, n nothing happened to it. but it went n got settled in the top most rack of the shelf on the wall. I had to remove it now. In my attempt to get it back from the shelf, wow, i ran into a box i had ignored all the while. my mood cheered up in no time. The box had all my childhood stuffs in it- my toys, all broken n in bad shape, my old guitar i had bought in some mela, which got broken the min it reached home, my old trophies, shields, medals, wow.. i relived those moments for a while. Just imagine u getting your things back, it was like almost getting childhood back. something caught my attention.

There they were my favourite books- tinkles, the ones i never missed to read, i had read every single edition released every month, my other amar chitra katha books, all story books dad brought me when i was kid. i forgot the world n sank back into them without bothering to brush my teeth. I started reading a story of a princess. I was enjoying the story. I loved seeing and reading those pages again. N when mom came to my room I ran out of site n became a good girl my mom loves. The story half left.

The day passed with those books, i read stories after stories until i had finished a lot of them. finally i decided to see a movie for a change. I ran through my collection of about 120 movies in my laptop. N finally settled on “magadheera” a telagu movie casting son of a famous south Indian actor chiranjeevi. I had my reasons to choose the movie. I had kept it pending to watch. It was released when i had been to north india tour couple of years ago, N a newly married hydrabadi couple I met in manali had told me to watch it. The girl cutely called her newly wedded husband magadheera. In their memory i decided to watch the movie.

The movie was awesome. It was a story of a warrior n his lover who die n meet back after 400 years in their new birth, by killing the same villain, who also takes rebirth to be killed again. Anyway, Awesome is just a word. In the movie, the hero single handedly handles the army of 100 men, n kills them all... wow...the way he shot the arrow, the way he swiped his sword n the way he fought the battle... the way he saved the girl... all made me say wow again.. n magadheera was added to my big list of crushes led by hritik roshan in kaho na pyar hai ages ago...

it was 12 mid night, n after tiring day’s work i decided to sleep. Everything went dark. May be it was dream. A horrifying dream. I was flying. A big bird was carrying me. i could see the boiling sea below me. I looked at myself. No.. i was not in my jeans n t shirt.. i was a princess... I was shouting for help... my hands were tied with chains. I saw another bird flying beside the one carrying me.... there was a big monster riding it... he gave a cold laugh..

oh i was being kidnapped i realised... i mean princessnapped... he was taking me to an island.. i shouted at the monster.. i’ll never marry u.. magadheera ll come and save me....

n there he was... he came in the chariot of those four white horses n stood in front of us, aila in air..!!! i shouted happily-“ magadheera.. i knew u would come. now kill this monster the way u did in the movie...” i was telling him to hit monster by waving his hand the same way, the same move i liked in the movie... i was demonstrating to him.. n he was seriously following the move.. my magadheera would hit the monster just that way, I knew. He would kill the monster and save me. n dhuddddd... something fell on me.. did we lose the battle?? I didn’t know.. i opened my eyes to see my pillow on my head... i had waved it n thrown it in air in order to demonstrate him better... n finally that had woke me up... n i sadly realised it was just a dream... only a dream.. i was no princess.. there was no magadheera.. n thank god no monster too...

er.. i sat back n gave myself a smile... i knew from few days, my brain had little chemical locha.. but this time it had crossed all the limits.. i had mixed the story of the princess i read in the book in the morning with the movie i had seen before sleeping...

i told my brother about this new crush n dream i had about him.. n his reply was... when will u grow up yaar!!!! no likes.... he is mad.. Ignore him.. anyway

er.. this was just a story... was just trying my hand at writing some funny things.. hope u had a happy refresh.. :) keep smiling :)

Boys!!!!- non understandable creatures!!!!!

Well.. i had a funny conversation today... it was just a conversation, a normal chat with an old fren whom i consider a brother, a fren, a true guide who gives honest opinions on anything i ask.. with due respect to my opinions...

The conversation was just a normal one... but when it ended.. it just left me confused... what the hell do u boys want!!!!

Just a funny conversation accompanied by my thoughts.. bhai sorry.. personally mat lena.. its just for fun.. :P give a read :)

It all started with he reading the story i have been writing these days.. he read the two chapters of it.. n whole heartedly appreciated the way i had described the scene... n was happy that i am trying my hand at writing...

After all positives about my writing, he just had one silly doubt... he had read how i felt leaving home.. how crying i was.. how bad i felt being alone far away from home... n asked just one simple question..

“why r girls always crying, want to be listened to, consoled all the time?????.. always cryin!!!! huh”

I wasn’t happy... it was like a solid insult not just to me.. but for entire girlkind!!!!

I was super angry.. i counted down from 10 to 1... finally when i was calm i explained...

i replied to him.. "its human to feel bad, to feel alone when u r faaar away from ur dear ones.. girls just feel it more because they r more attached, lil more emotional.. even u would have felt all those emotions at your first stay away from home.. n boys pretend strong.. even they want to be consoled, want to be listened to, etc... its just that they finish in short.. n girls take lil longer.. but trust me.. they too r strong if need comes.. and at times stronger than boys.." huh

i believe he was convinced.. but still he went on...

his reply was.. "may be.. i have been frens with many girls.. i always find them complaining about silly things... crying half the time.. Over trivial matters... i wonder sometimes if they really mean it when they cry or they just want to grab our attention!! :P"

it was mocking now...

well.. i realized... the discussion was going nowhere.. i counted down from 10 to 1 again.. n asked him a basic question... :P

"do u have someone who u listen to.. :P do u have someone whom u give ur shoulders to cry??? :P"

i was just asking him if he had a girlfren....

N the reply was this... P

“no :(”

i was shocked!!! Ha ha.. that sad smiley was surprising n funny!!! Why was he sad????

That meant... He too wanted a girl who would cry.. whom he would console.. ha ha.. then why on the earth was he mocking, girls cry????

Boys!!!! Ha ha.. they tease girls so much... make fun of every lil thing they do.. may it be complaining, crying, wanting to be listened to.. watever.. they tease saying girls r weak.. n pretend they r strong.. but deep down they like it all.. n they too want a girl who would just do all the things they tease about...

Huh... boys!!!! really.. non understanble creatures,... :P i know there is no word called non understandable.. but fine.. thats wat u guys r!!!!

N they say they can’t understand girls... huh.. funny....!!!!! :P

disclaimer- yaar logo... tp kar raha hai apun... seriously nahi leneka.. :)